Kevin's Last Walk

I didn’t know you were ready
The idea for this poem came from a comment made by one of Kevin’s best friends mother. We were talking at the memorial service about procrastinating and I told her about how Kevin was good at putting things off..like cleaning the bathroom…etc. She looked at me and said he didn’t procrastinate at everything…I asked her what she meant by this and she said…I guess he finished his work here on earth before us!

When your mother told me it was time for you to be born
I didn’t know you were ready

You learned to walk and talk before we knew it
You learned to ride a trike
You learned to ride a bike
Soon it was time for school
I didn’t know you were ready

You became a man everyone loved
You touched all you knew
Soon you had a license to drive
I didn’t know you were ready

Soon you told me it was time to go hunting
We took the class because
I didn’t know you were ready

School never came easy
But you made it work
Showing everyone your heart
High school is over and life begins
I didn’t know you were ready.

The lord said you were ready
He said he needed you
But you didn’t get to say goodbye
You came back to say goodbye because
I didn’t know you were ready

What will you do?
I wrote this poem a couple of months after Kevin passed away. At this time I was considering what to do…should I go ahead with plans for the walk? Should I continue to share the story of what happened to Kevin?

When your time comes to stand
When your time comes to show
If someone asks you to go
What will you do?

We never know what will come
We will never be asked
When someone is called up
What will you do?

Your life will never be the same
You can make it good or make it bad
You can choose to be happy or to be sad
What will you do?

This I never wanted
This is not for me
I guess it was in the plans
What will you do
if it happens to you?

Something very good

This is one of the first poems I wrote…it is still my favorite. Something very good has been part of my talk each time. Take special note of the words at the end of this poem and draw your own conclusions…it is based on something that happened to me 2 days after Kevin died.

Something very good will come from this
Part of me died that morning when I got the news
His job here on earth was through
None of us here know what to do

He touched so many lives
He had no idea
Made so many people smile
Still, he left for higher places
We will remember his smiling face

He is there in pictures and in paper
He is there in video and in words
He is there in our hearts and in our dreams

We see him in the trees
We see him in the stars
He floats by us on a cloud
We feel him in the wind
He will always be there

I never heard him say it,
but Something very good will come from this
He was there, I know it and I felt it
He was there in the room
When my heart was filled with gloom
And now that part that died is growing back
Something very good will come from this

I miss you
I wrote this poem in the middle of the day in the fall after Kevin passed away. I was sitting there and started wondering…I wonder what Kevin is doing right now?

I know where you are
But I don’t know what it’s like
I miss you

I wondered what you were doing just now
I wish you were still here
I wondered what you would be doing if you were here
I miss you

I wish you joy
I wish you peace
I know you have both
But I still miss you

Can you see me when I cry?
Can you hear me when I talk to you?
Do you know how I feel?
Do you wish you could come back?
Do you know why you were called?
Do you know what the plan is?
Should I stay the course?
Or should I find a new trail?
Where do I look for a new trail?
I pray that I will know
I pray that I am strong

Put in a good word for us down here
Look after my mother
Look after my grandparents
Take care of them until we meet again
WE ALL MISS YOU

I hope
The idea for this poem came after I went to pick up Kevin’s ashes. I thought about all the things I had been through lately and thought…I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy!

I hope you never pick out your son’s casket
I hope you never have to tell your daughters that their brother is gone
I hope you never have to decide whether to cremate or bury your son
I hope you never have to pick the songs for your son’s memorial
I hope you never have to pick the pictures for your son’s memorial video
I hope you never have to go pick up your son’s ashes
I hope you never have to go pick up your son’s death certificates
I hope you never have to prepare to speak at your son’s memorial
I hope you never have to read your son’s obituary
I hope you hug your kids everyday

I hope you cherish every day you have with them
I hope what is important is now very clear
I hope you hold all who are dear very close to your heart
I hope you you find your joy and purpose in life
I hope you find a way to make your dreams come true

The tears are always near
As you might imagine…the idea for this poem came to me after I thought about Kevin and something he had done and I started to cry…and I thought the tears are always near!

Before that day
They were always at bay
I rarely felt them
They never stayed
I didn’t know it
But I knew only joy
Now the tears are always near
I never know when they will show
It doesn’t take much
Maybe a touch
Maybe a smell
Maybe a picture
Maybe nothing
I never know when
I know he would never have wanted this
But this I can’t help
I need to feel him
I need his smile
I need to hear him laugh
I need him to tell us to cowboy up
The tears are always near now
someday I will find tears of joy again

The gift
I wrote this poem just before the first Christmas we spent without Kevin. As I reflected on what is important…I thought…what is most important in life is free.

It is that time of year
Everyone scampers here and there
Looking for those gifts
They search the stores
Day and night
They race the clock
Still they search for those gifts
The real gift is right there
In there home
Their sons, their daughters,
Their mother their father,
Their brother their sister
All they need is there
All they need is to enjoy, cherish
And spend time with those they love
The gift isn’t in a store,
It isn’t on a website
It is always there, free to all who want it

That first Christmas with him
This is your first Christmas with him
What will you do?
I know you feel great joy
How is the weather?

We enjoyed you when you were here
Now you are there
All smiles no tears
You are with him this year
I am sure he is pleased
You bring happiness and smiles
Wherever you are

You are happy I am sure
now you know how you are needed
This first Christmas with him
Can never be repeated

I know Christmas is different there
No shopping, no cooking,
No baking and such
only looking and smiling
and warm loving touch

We now know what is needed
We finally have it straight
It isn’t gifts from a store
It’s what’s in your heart
That matters much more

Each day is a gift
That comes from above
It is family and friends
That greet us with love
We cherish each moment
Now more than ever
We’ll do what is needed
To make things right
On this first Christmas night

The sun still rises

The sun still rises
The sky still blue
The birds still sing
The earth still turns
trees still green
Stars shine bright

What we do
What we say
Shows how we care
Shows how we feel
What matters most

The sky still blue
The sun still rises
The birds still sing
The wind still blows
trees still green
Stars shine bright

We always hope
we always believe
We can make things better
The big fella knows
What is in our heart
He watches over us
Both day and night

When we meet again
When he says it is time
Only hugs and smiles
After so many miles

The sky still blue
The sun still rises
The birds still sing
The wind still blows
trees still green
Stars shine bright

Make a new day tomorrow
When all is behind you
Close your eyes and see
What is meant to be

When I close my eyes
The idea for this poem came while sitting in the back yard the winter after Kevin passed away. I remember closing my eyes and thinking about him. I actually wrote this poem with my eyes closed.
The truth is I still “see it all” when I close my eyes!

When I close my eyes
I still see you there
Sitting in that chair
I see you beside the road
Truck out of gas
I see you mowing the grass
Using 5th gear
Going way to fast
One hand on the wheel
One holding a cd player
I see your smile
I hear you laugh
On that great day
When the hunting was good
Hiking together
Cold and tired
We laughed we talked
We broke bread
We got lost

I see you with your dog
I hear you say bye dad I love you

It is all right there

Because When I close my eyes
I see it all

Wish you were here
Kevin always helped me with the yard…the idea for this poem came when I went outside to do some yardwork and I thought…I wish you were here!

Yard work to do
Work to be done
Wish you were here

Holidays to share
With those who care
Family and your friends
Wish you were here

Precious moments
Laugh out loud
Collin and trinity
Wish you were here

We talk everyday
Of how you were
Your voice your cowboy ways
Your messy room
Getting up at noon
Wish you were here

Your birthday soon
Shared with Sarah boo
One cake two lives
Wish you were here

The way you talked
The words you said
It’s all right there
When I go to bed
Super bowl today
With the sisters and collin
Football cookie to bake
Wish you were here

We ever went camping
I hugged you
I told you I loved you
We ate a meal together
We woke up in a tent freezing
I ever asked you to get up and make a fire
We ever gave each other haircuts
You ever borrowed my tools
We ever worked on the truck together
You came in and told me you were home
you ever asked for gas money
you walked out the door

Your last moments

What did you think
When you knew
Your time here was through

Did you think of your last day
Your family and friends

Remember all the happy days
Of all we did
And all we were going to do

DREAMS
This poem was written the night after another dream about Kevin. He is often in our dreams. I don’t necessarily believe that dreams tell you what to do…but I can’t ignore the message that is often there.

When I sleep I dream of you
Still after all this time
You are still here
Some are filled with joy
You are back home
I hug you so tight
Some you never left us
Life is back to before that day
When we all knew only joy
Sometimes you show us
How you skate and play
You make us laugh and smile
How the world was before that day
Some you are leading me
Where I do not know
Across the most difficult
To a place I have never been
In life you often followed
Now you show us all the way
Big and small short and tall
I know you know
What will be
Because when I dream
You are leading me